Growth, recovery and healing are all like house projects. I HATE the process of house projects.
Everything gets moved around. I see the dirt and grime that I have known was there but liked that it was hidden behind an appliance or underneath a counter top.
There are moments of excitement for me in the process. But generally I am extremely stressed, anxious and uncomfortable.
My space becomes disorganized, certain things become inaccessible, and workers invade my home. I try to remember why we are doing this and imagine what it will be like when it’s all done.
Oh, but the mess and the decisions and the invasion of my space and then the putting everything back together. Sometimes it is just too much to bare.
Counter Top Project
Our counter top project began a few months ago. On the first day, I found myself looking at the table piled high with stuff, while having no counter tops or kitchen sink to use and a house full of kids.
I was feeling squirrely and out of control. I didn’t want to be in the mess and wasn’t sure how long I could stand it.
Then it struck me………. this is exactly what happens when I am growing, recovering and healing.
Things usually have to get messy, rearranged and a little chaotic before they fall into the right place. The hardest part for me is letting go, trusting and sitting in the discomfort of the process.
Basically, being in the mess.
I often forget that there is pain on the way to the prize.
This also reminds me of a favorite quote that I have remembered from my teenage years from a great movie (A League of Their Own).
“It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard… is what makes it great.”
~Jimmy Dugan (played by Tom Hanks)
I have a whole post dedicated to this quote. Read it here.
Chaos proceeds change.
What about when you don’t see the prize?
What about when you’re not sure there is a prize?
What about when you don’t trust that the “prize” will really feel like one?
Why am I Writing This?
Today I am writing this because our counter tops were installed yesterday. I also need to encourage myself. I am in the middle of an internal house project. Everything is all jumbled up. It feels messy, out of control and confusing.
I am trying to lean in to the process, knowing that it is the way to the prize, whatever that may be. Despite the internal clutter and disorganization, there is purpose to this pain.
Yesterday I was out spending the morning with my boy. I came home expecting the work to still be underway. Instead, it was all done.
I walked in the door and was immediately mesmerized by how incredible the counter tops looked. The whole room had brightened and changed. I love them!
I write this today to encourage myself and hopefully someone else.
There is purpose in the pain and there is pain on the way to the prize.
We can endure the process. Keep trudgin’ wholeness warrior! I’m right with you!!