Happy UNMother’s Day

Nine years ago, I did something very radical. It was actually quite unheard of in my mind.

I spent Mother’s Day without my kids!

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I wrestled and felt guilty, but ultimately I decided I needed to spend the day alone.

I was a single mother to three small children, working a very stressful job and I was absolutely beat.

I remember getting up the courage to actually say the words out loud to someone else,

“ I want to spend Mother’s Day alone”

 It was scary and felt so so wrong. How could I NOT want to spend Mother’s Day with my kids, that’s what you’re “supposed to do”. Thankfully I was talking to a very wise, seasoned mother who told me if that’s what I needed and wanted then it was exactly right.

I needed permission. 

There can be a lot of pressure around Mother’s Day. Images (real and imagined) can fill our heads about what the day is supposed to look and feel like. Enter pressure, insecurity, shame and discontent. 

Great Mother’s Day huh?

Unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others coupled with comparison, is a recipe for disaster. Especially on a day where moms are to be celebrated.

If you want to spend the day alone, great do it.
If you want to spend the day with all of your people, great do it.
If you want a day full of activities, go for it.
If you want to lay on the couch in your pajamas all day, enjoy the downtime.

There is no right or wrong answer. It’s just about what feels right for you at this time.

Sometimes it’s easier to identify what you don’t want in order to figure out what you do want.

Last year I split the day, I hiked on my own for a few hours and the rest of the day with my husband and kiddos. It was just right for me to refresh myself and enjoy my people. We didn’t get dressed up, we ate takeout and watched TV in the evening. It was just right for me! 

Years ago I would have thought this was the wrong way to do Mother’s Day. I had ideas that felt like law. It would be a crime to break them. 

It’s ironic because on a day when mothers are to be celebrated and appreciated, they are often the ones doing most of the work. That doesn’t seem right to me. 

I don’t know what I will do for Mother’s Day this year. It might be a game time decision. What I do know is that I don’t want it to include anything that feels like work. 

It’s Mother’s Day darn it and I’m taking it!!

Reply back and tell me what you want or don’t want for this Mother’s Day. How is this landing for you?