For as long as I can remember I always thought of sin as bad. I hate the words “good” and “bad”. They are so extreme and so ambiguous. I thought I wasn’t supposed to sin to avoid being bad. I tried to follow the rules so I could be good. If it’s one or the other, I either came out as bad or worked myself into the ground trying to be good or I turned a blind eye to my whole self and lives in my false self.
Living in a world of extremes as I often do is exhausting and impossible. I’m either running or hiding and it’s no way to live. In fact, it’s not really living in my opinion.
Recently God and I have been in a wrestling match about “good” and “bad” and how it relates to sin – another hot button trigger word for me. I told God that it can’t be so black and white, I need some of the “gray” perspective. “
“Show me more” I prayed, “because where I am and what I see just doesn’t seem like You, it seems like something man-made with a side of scare tactics.”
This is what I got……
Sin – something that separates me from God.
I don’t condemn you when you sin. I don’t get angry with you and pull away. I am saddened by your sin because it comes between you and I. Sin separates us and creates distance between you and I. It pushes you away from me and I miss you. I want to be close to you. When sin sneaks in, a lot of times you don’t notice it right away. Sometimes it completely consumes you. I grieve because I so desperately long to hold you close. When you drift or push away from me, it breaks my heart. It is so hard for me to watch you hurt yourself. It’s not that I don’t want you to sin because it is “bad” or it “makes me mad”. I don’t want to be separate from you. I want to love you and I want you to love yourself. I want you to feel loved, to experience love from me, yourself and others. I want you to be able to truly and genuinely love others. You can’t do that when we are disconnected. When we are disconnected, you are not able to truly and authentically connect with yourself or others. I know that connection is so important to you and I so desperately want you to be able to experience this and the other things that fill you!